The Common Scenario: Your partner is hardly ever home to give
you attention and when he is home, he's preoccupied with his own
routine. The two of you then start picking on the little things
about each other. This makes you feel unappreciated and lonely;
down on yourself. One day, you're running household errands
after work and notice a male co-worker. He comes up to you and
asks you to join him for coffee. You accept and the two of you
talk and laugh. You then exchange email addresses and next thing
you know, you're looking forward to talking with him again and
maybe even liking your job a little more. Weeks go by, and the
excitement ebbs just a little as you begin to feel guilty and
confused. You begin to have obsessive thoughts as your co-worker
wants the two of you to have sometime alone. Your wandering if
he could bring you the happiness that's lacking in your home
life, if the grass is truly greener on the other side. What do
you do? You're Only Human: It's human nature for you to know
that you're desired or loved and wanted. Of course, some are
just plain addicted to the feeling of excitement one gets while
going through an attraction with another person other than their
partner. Insecure feelings and lack of self confidence can make
a person think and sometimes do regrettable things when
receiving attention from another. In fact, 274 out of 703 people
are lacking intimacy altogether from their partner. Most people
yearn for passion in their lives almost more than they want or
need money. The media puts great emphasis on it through
internet, movies, television, radio, magazines and books. I
can't count how many times I've read a juicy romance novel and
wanted to pummel my husband with it as he was sacked out on the
sofa. Paying The Piper Of Desire: Desire with love is over rated
and misunderstood everywhere and many relationships are torn
apart by perceptions of what a person thinks they need to fill a
void in their life. They'll practically sell their souls for
romance, passion, desire and excitement. Something that their
partner can't or won't give. But then, most never communicate
with their partners about what they need so how can they know
that they can't get it? The few that have discussed their needs
and wants with their partners still don't receive it which
momentarily justifies their actions. Very rarely does either
party gain anything but guilt and even self-loathsome. Not to
mention, what others feel and think about them when they choose
to act upon their attraction or infatuation. Phase In...Phase
Out: Infatuation is a strong, foolish, yet transitory,
attachment to someone or something. Attraction is similar but
less worded. In a survey I conducted, the average person that
experienced attraction or infatuation was in the
thirty-something category. Many people, especially women, go
through an extreme transition at this stage in life. Primping in
the mirror and finding the crows feet forming or the laugh
lines. Looking back to see what has been accomplished and what
hasn't. Wondering what's out there. We all go through it and it
does take a toll on our self-esteem. Use It Or Lose It:
Personally, infatuation over someone other than your partner can
actually put spark into a stale relationship. According to my
own survey, 19% said that their relationship and feelings with
their partner were positively stronger after their infatuation
with another. On the other hand, 31% said it never changed their
relationship at all because they never told their partner and
never acted on their feelings. Most people do make the
undeniable mistake of acting on their infatuation while
otherwise committed to another. Out of 294 males, 124 have
cheated on their partner and 122 out of 326 females did the
same. Approximately, 30% of my personal survey takers advise
others in similar situations to ?be careful? because ?it's not
worth it? or ?recognize the attraction for what it is and don't
read more into it.? On a positive note, 37% of those that took
the survey did not act upon their attraction. Is This Love? The
definition of love is, a feeling that animates a person who is
devoted to, and sincerely fond of another person or thing that
they desire actively. No wonder so many confuse infatuation and
attraction with love! The similarities are quite evident. But
the key words are ?devoted? and ?desire actively?. Love for
another is long-lasting, a more grounded feeling than
infatuation or attraction. None of the situations mentioned in
my own survey resulted in love or marriage with the other
person. Although, 44% resulted in a serious, sexual relationship
but neither case ended up as just a one-night-stand. For the
most part, 27% say that it's just a memory that they'd rather
forget. And only 27% hope to see that person again. Rewind And
Redefine: So why are most of us so hell-bent on the excitement
of infatuation or always wondering if the next person is ?the
one? even though we are already in a commitment? It's all about
ourselves. What we're not getting and refuse to ask for and give
in return. How we feel about or see ourselves through another's
eyes. Our boredom with a current situation. Not to mention, some
of us are just thrill-seekers and taboo-addicts. Recently, I
came upon a quote from SavvyMale.com on attraction. ?We go to
the garden to look at the flowers, not the weeds. People are
attracted to different looking flowers. But even some pretty
flowers stink once we try to smell them.? In my opinion, the
moral of this quote is, physical attraction is important at
first. Only when we attempt to explore more qualities will we
know if a chemistry exists and most of the time it doesn't.
However, if we are already committed to another, we can still
look at the pretty flowers; just leave them alone. Instead,
share your feelings of their beauty with your partner and
cultivate your own beautiful garden as a couple. There's a
greater chance of your grass being the greenest of all.
About the author:
? Audrey King 2005 'Links For Moms' bringing valuable resources
to busy moms. http://www.linksformoms.com
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