How often have you wanted to create a connection with someone or
a group but somehow missed the mark? You keep getting the same
results every time you make an attempt at establishing any
relationship, and it?s a result you?re not happy with. If this
is the case you really need to change how you do things.
Rapport building is one of mutual influence, a give and take
within a relationship, includes having regard for the feelings
of others, respecting and understanding them, and looking at
life from someone else?s perspective other than your own. Walk a
mile in someone else?s shoes and begin to understand where
they?re coming from ? it doesn?t take much, just your
willingness to give it a try.
One of the great things about rapport is that it doesn?t matter
whether you have agreement or not with the other party.
Remember some conversations you?ve had in the past with your
best friend, partner, or even children. Do you always agree with
them? What happens when you disagree? Is it the end of the world
or is there friendly banter? Sometimes we simply agree to
disagree. I heard someone say once ?You can either be right, or
you can be happy.? I know I?d rather be happy.
You can also build relationships with those you personally don?t
get along with. I?ve had jobs in the past where I had absolutely
nothing in common with my bosses, however I still respected
their position ? they were still my boss, they were running the
show and for all intents and purposes knew what they were doing.
With that, my professional integrity remained intact.
So what can we do about getting rapport happening?
Interaction with others is multifaceted. We all have our own
views on life that we believe is right, we have different
values and beliefs; there are cultural issues as well as many
other things that need to be taken into consideration when
dealing with others. So I?ve come up with some very basic
rapport building strategies that might just make it happen for
you.
Firstly, take baby steps. If you?re uncomfortable matching and
mirroring the behaviours and language of others, start by
practising with yourself in front of a mirror, find yourself a
partner you?ll be comfortable practising with, or mirror someone
on television. The more you practise the more fluid your rapport
building skills will become ? think of this as if you engaging
in a slow moving rhythmic dance with someone.
Read each point first and give yourself time to absorb its
meaning.
*Take a genuine interest in the other person.
*Become curious as to how the other person thinks, what they
value most, what type of humour they have, what language they
use ? is it visual, auditory or feeling?
*If there is an apparent age gap between you and the other
person, learn about that generation, what their values are, what
motivates them and show an interest in their history.
*Be willing and flexible enough to see life through the other
person?s eyes? How do they view the world?
*Have open communication with others and be willing to disclose
some things about yourself, of course within reason and when
appropriate.
*People can sense manipulation, if not consciously then
subconsciously. I can sense manipulation a mile off and don?t
like it one bit! Sometimes I?ve kicked myself for agreeing to
something I really didn?t want to. Rapport is about mutual
influence ? give and take, an example is sharing in jokes,
brainstorming a project together, a class, or being part of a
team.
*Mirror and match their posture and movements. This isn?t about
copying or mimicking. When movement?s flow like a dance it shows
you?re in sync with others.
For example if someone crosses their arms you could subtly do
the same or cross your feet. You could match someone?s breathing
rate with your blink rate, foot tapping can be equalled with
nodding in rhythm, tugging of the earlobe could be tugging at
skirt/trousers/shirt. Again, this takes practise and subtle
observation.
*Notice and really hear their voice. What tone, pitch, pace,
volume and wording do they use?
*What?s their breathing rate ? fast, slow, even, erratic? Notice
their rhythm of breathing and do the same. I find when I do
one-on-one sessions with my clients, my breathing rate and that
of my client becomes as one. I know then that my client and I
are totally in the present moment and focused on each other.
*We all have a unique way we move, some of us are slow, fast,
steady or barely make a movement. I apparently move something
like a penguin (womanly would have been nice but there you have
it). The unique movement of others is something else that can be
matched though I wouldn?t be overdoing the penguin waddle!
*Actively listen to the other person ? be interested in what
they have to say. Even my young son knows when I?m not present
and not really listening to him.
*Know and understand what your relationship with your ?Self? is
before building rapport with others.
*Be in the Present moment.
*And finally, the biggest and most effective rapport building
strategy is when you are personally involved in the rapport
building process! Makes sense, does it not?
May you have many wonderful moments in building relationships!
About the author:
Michaela is a Transformational Coach, Certified Practitioner of
Neuro-Linguistic Programming, writer and Metaphysician who is
totally committed to helping others create positive and action
oriented changes to their lives. Michaela is the author of the
eBook 10 Colour Meditation Scripts, and publisher of a monthly
e-newsletter called From My Desk.
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