For most people, the word abuse implies violent and malicious
behavior. In fact, most mistreatment does NOT fall into that
category. ALL MISTREATMENT LEAVES EMOTIONAL SCARS There are
several basic types of mistreatment, but one thing that all
types of mistreatment have in common is that they all cause
great mental suffering. It?s important to realize that this
damage occurs even if the abuse is committed out of ignorance or
exhaustion or any other mitigating factors.
Children have no way of discerning between intentional or
unintentional harm. To them, it all hurts just the same.
PHYSICAL MISTREATMENT AND NEGLECT Physical abuse includes any
kind of corporal punishment: hitting, pushing, slapping,
burning, biting, and even yanking. You often see parents yanking
their children by the arm as if they were dragging something by
a leash. These behaviors may or may not leave physical scars,
but the emotional scars always remain. There is also neglect,
which is a deprivation of basic necessities: food, clothing,
shelter, medical attention or adequate supervision. Leaving
children alone who are too young to be in charge of themselves
and their own safety is not only dangerous. It is cruel. The
child might assure the parents that it?s okay with him because
he senses that that?s what his parents want. In reality, the
child may be terrified of staying alone and even more afraid to
say so. WITNESSING PHYSICAL ABUSE IS EQUALLY ABUSIVE Most people
do not recognize that just witnessing physical abuse is also
horrifying and extremely damaging. If the parents beat up on
each other and the kid is forced to watch or hear or even
witness the aftermath, no one gets out of that scenario
unscathed. SEXUAL ABUSE IS NOT CONFINED TO INTERCOURSE Sexual
abuse occurs when a child is forced, tricked, or threatened to
engage in any kind of sexual behavior. It is not limited to
penetration or fellatio or fondling. It includes even watching
or listening to any kind of sexual activity. Most people do not
realize that sexual violation also occurs when there is a
distortion of boundaries: ? Grown-ups walking in on kids without
regard for their intimate space ? Grown-ups being too
seductively clad or unclad ? Ogling the child in a state of
undress ? Making sexual observations about someone?s body These
are all inappropriate behaviors and they leave the child feeling
very confused and uneasy. They might not understand why they
feel bad, but it becomes a great source of discomfort from there
on out. EMOTIONAL ABUSE IS DIFFICULT TO DETECT The most
difficult type of abuse to identify is emotional or
psychological in nature. It is very subtle and difficult to
recognize because so much of it is a non-behavior, such as
giving someone the cold shoulder or the silent treatment, or
simply not being present. The fact that a parent may be doing
something legitimate like working and not just hanging out in
some bar does nothing to alter the fact that the child is
deprived of his parent?s company, guidance and affection. A
parent can be physically present but emotionally unavailable.
Some parents may have too many responsibilities and not enough
time or energy for their children. Others are simply
ill-equipped to offer proper nurturance or psychological
support. The term emotional orphan comes to mind. Another thing
that makes emotional abuse hard to pinpoint is the fact that the
victim is not outwardly mangled. Emotionally abusive behaviors
include: ? yelling ? belittling, criticizing ? blocking,
stifling ? too demanding of perfection ? domineering,
controlling ? name-calling, ridiculing, mocking ? not taking
interest, ignoring ? not showing affection or physical contact ?
constant complaining about providing necessities ? general
absence or unavailability. Threats of abandonment or withdrawal
of love are very frightening and a very cruel form of
discipline. Other forms of psychological abuse are
over-protection, adulation and overly doting behaviors. And then
there is over-reliance on a child, referred to as emotional
incest, where the child is used to fulfill a void left by an
absent partner. All of these behaviors distort healthy
development and growth. Muddled boundaries make it difficult to
form and sustain healthy human relationships later in life. Now,
using these parameters, it?s safe to say that the vast majority
of people have been abused to one degree or another.
Unfortunately, these types of behavior are far too common and
many of us have been affected more deeply than we care to admit.
However, until we acknowledge the truth of our personal history,
we will continue to expend tremendous amounts of psychic energy
trying to squelch the pain of these subconscious wounds. In the
meantime, it is my hope that a greater understanding of how much
long-term damage these behaviors cause might prevent us from
perpetuating such mistreatment. With a bit of attention and
intention, the abuse can stop here.
About the author:
Rosella Aranda, international marketer, editor, author, helps
entrepreneurs escape their limitations. See her newest ebook at
http://www.SabotageThyselfNoMore.com/ For more on how to harness
your mental power, visit http://www.FromThoughtsToRiches.com/
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