If just reading that phrase hits you in the pit of your stomach,
you?re not alone. We don?t like to say goodbye. Whether it?s the
death of a loved one, divorce, moving, outgrowing a lifetime
friendship, sending someone off to war, watching a patient die,
retiring from a profession, or finding you can no longer connect
with someone who once meant the world to you, when it?s time to
say goodbye, it tears apart the fabric of our souls.
I remember sending my first son off to college. ?It?s time,? I
told myself, ?it?s what we want,? and I maintained a cheerful
smile until he left out the front door with his father. Then I
fell against the door, in tears. That it was time didn?t make it
any easier.
Later, when I was called to the Intensive Care Unit of a
hospital miles away, and found it was time to say goodbye to my
beloved younger son, just 21 years old, I thought I would go
with him.
I suffer each time I must say goodbye. Do you? It?s our only
choice, unless we become numb.
We know that to everything there is a season and a time to every
purpose under heaven. ?A time to be born, and a time to die; a
time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A
time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a
time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to
mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a
time to gather stones together; A time to embrace, and a time to
refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a
time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a
time to sew, a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time
to love and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.?
(Eccl 3:1-8) And a time to say goodbye.
Because I coach, and often work with people in transition, I
hear the sorrow of the goodbyes and the struggle to know when,
if there?s a choice, and how, always. When it?s time to say
goodbye to playing tennis because the osteoarthritis?s gotten
too bad; when it?s time to say goodbye to the practice and hang
up the shingle, because it?s getting too litigious, or simply
too boring; when it?s time to say goodbye to hopes of a concave
belly, because nothing works any more; when it?s time to say
goodbye to hair and welcome baldness; when it?s time to say
goodbye to the spouse you love and file for divorce because they
have core n?grato and haven?t come home in months, but neither
one of you wants to be the first to say goodbye.
What do we do when it?s time to say goodbye? I include art,
literature and music in my EQ Foundation Course, and coach
certification program, because they are a good way to deal with
some of the harder emotional things in life, a way that?s
accessible, works, and doesn?t harm oneself or others, or end up
causing a second problem on top of the first one as medication
such as prescription drugs, alcohol and street drugs can do.
Music has a special ability to soothe. ?There is no feeling,
except the extremes of fear and grief, that does not find relief
in music,? wrote George Eliot.
The producer of the movie ?Together? writes about the time
period in China when all forms of western arts were forbidden,
including western classical music. He and a friend hid in a
darkened room to listen to a bootleg recording of Bach.
?We indulged in the music silently,? he wrote. ?In tears we
stared at each other. As long as human beings are still
suffering from agony, classical music will arise from the dark
to console our souls and re-inject confidence and hopes into our
lives.? Classical music being mainly instrumental, except for
opera, which is ?wordless? to those of us who don?t understand
the language its sung in. Words will pull more on the left
brain, and is a distraction. Indeed classical music can be
healing.
Andrea Bocelli, who has a legendary voice produced a recording
of this magnitude, teaming up with English soprano Sarah
Brightman. Brightman, who heard his single, POR TI VOLAR? (I
Will Go with You) suggested changing the title to Con Te Partiro
(Time to Say Goodbye), and singing it as a diet at the farewell
bout for her friend,German World Light-Heavyweight boxing
champion, Henry Maske, known for choosing theme songs for his
fights. Maske had asked Brightman to find him the song for his
farewell appearance, and she heard Bocelli?s song one night
while dining out. She contacted the blind Tuscan singer, known
for partnering to produce renditions che scioglie il sangue
dint?e vene sai? such as his recordings of ?Vivo Per Lei? (I
Live for Music) with Giorgia (in Italian), Marta Sanchez (in
Spanish), Helene Segara (in French) Judy Weiss (in German) and
Sandy Leah Lima (in Portuguese).
Time to Say Goodbye was recorded with the London Symphony
Orchestra, and performed the night of Maske?s last fight while
the Germans paying tribute to their favorite. It is said that
even Maske wept.
And weep we must when it?s time to say goodbye. Damming one
feeling, dams them all up, and stunts the pleasure we?ll feel
again some day ? yes, unless we shut down permanently ? and most
of us can laugh with abandon far easily than we can cry with
abandon.
Time to Say Goodbye is featured on Bocelli?s ?Romanza? album,
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0000041OG/susandunnmome-2
0 , and may help you with whatever you must leave, or whatever
is being taken from you, because it?s time to say goodbye and we
don?t always get to call the shots. Vivo Per Lei, with Giorgia
is also on this CD.
What a choice it is for a grand finale and working out those
feelings. Written by F. Sartori and L. Quarantotto, it captures
the mood of when we have to release our clutching fingers, open
our palms, extend them forward and let it go. The fact that it?s
in Italian except for the words ?Time to say goodbye,? which
somehow Brightman enunciates and paces with perfection, adds
tremendously to the effect (if you don?t understand Italian, and
probably if you do, as well). If you want to read the lyrics, in
Italian and English, you can access them here:
http://www.abmusica.com/romanza.htm .
Music, according to the American Music Therapy Association, is
used in hospitals to alleviate pain, elevate mood, counteract
depression, calm or sedate, induce sleep, manage anxiety, lessen
muscle tension, and relax the Autonomic Nervous System.
Sometimes when nothing else can.
It?s Time to Say Goodbye became the biggest selling single of
all time in Germany, with sales approaching 3 million, staying
in the top ten for months, and claimed number one spots in
France, Holland, Belgium and Switzerland as well.
Bravo! Andrea Bocelli. ---------- Do you live for music? Email
for free artistic white paper Vivo Per Lei.
Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc and put I live for music for subject
line.
About the author:
?Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc .
Providing coaching, business coaching, Internet courses, ebooks
around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional
development. EQ Alive! coach certification program available
internationally ? fast, affordable, comprehensive, and
no-residency requirement. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free EQ
ezine.
|
