Copyright 2005 Flaming Life Coaching INC.
"He that respects himself is safe from others; he wears a coat
of mail that none can pierce" - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.
To gain respect from others, you have to respect yourself first.
People will give you their undying respect as long as they
recognise that you portray these 3 key attributes:
trustworthiness, integrity and mindfulness. Because having these
qualities demonstrates your level of consciousness and maturity.
When people respect you, it is easier to get their support.
Getting people to give you continuous support, also requires you
to apply yourself. Here are ways to help you make an impact on
people whom you want respect and support from.
1. Be exuberant and passionate about what you do and your life.
People love those who exude vibrancy and passion about their
life, particularly about what they do. Think of this: how
stimulating do you find people who are forever talking about
their "great ideas" and what they want to do and yet, never
starting anything? Now that's a damper!
2. Be unique and individualistic in your views and opinions. Are
you unique and stand out with your own style and personality? If
you are afraid to voice your opinion, and would rather fit in, I
can assure you that it will be difficult to command respect from
others. And without respect, no support. This doesn't mean that
you have to constantly come up with new innovations. It simply
implies that you don't suck up to people, just because you want
validation. The best validation is to be true to yourself.
3. Be a great listener. All great listeners are magnetic and
charismatic. There is no charm that equals that of a good
listener. Here is an experience I had in a restaurant with my
husband not too long ago. I noticed that my husband was
fascinated by a woman sitting a few tables way from us.
When I asked him what got him so fascinated about her. He
replied that the woman was just fascinating to watch, because
she was listening so intently to her partner. Her eyes were on
him, as she leaned forward, giving him her feedback, and at the
same time not interrupting him. While she let him know that she
was hearing him, she also held up her end of the conversation.
Then my husband said something remarkable: "She's the kind of
woman I normally wouldn't pay attention to on the street, but
while sitting there, listening and being interested the way
she's doing now, makes her attractive."
True listening embodies careful attention, patience and honestly
wanting to understand what the other person is saying. It also
fosters good relationship.
4. Be a life long student. Let people know that you're willing
to learn from them and be genuine about it. Learning is growing,
and growing is learning. You cannot learn all by yourself. To
truly grow, you need others along the way. And when you show
people your willingness and enthusiasm to learn from them,
you'll be amazed how helpful and happy they will be to support
you.
Be open and get to know people who are different from you. If
you're interested in something, never be afraid to ask
questions. You won't be ridiculed for showing real interest.
Do you know people who have stopped learning? Do you find them
interesting to have around? Probably not! So do yourself the
favour of becoming an avid learner.
5. Be authentic and reliable. Before you make a promise, make
sure you can deliver. Keeping your word is very crucial to
building trust and credibility. There's nothing more detrimental
to your image, than having people believing in you and letting
them down.
There are times you may genuinely try to fulfil your promise and
it just doesn't work out. In that case, be honest about it and
apologize. No one will hold that against you.
6. Be generous. A generous heart gives freely without having
any expectactions. Don't try to buy people's loyalty or support.
It will backfire on you! You will reap more benefit and reward
from giving truly from your heart, rather than being
calculating. Even if you don't get something in return, the
eternal laws of reciprocity will find a way to balance things
out for you and give you your dues.
7. Be direct and have boundaries. When you have something to
say, just say it and let people know where you stand. Letting
people know what you want and don't want, liberates you and
those around you. Don't allow people to walk all over you. Let
them know your boundaries.
For instance, to avoid lying about a proposition which may not
interest you, an appropriate answer could be: "I'm sorry that
doesn't work for me right now". This is a straightforward and
truthful answer making it easy for you and for others to move
on.
In conclusion, do you trust and respect yourself? If you don't,
no one else will. This especially means be true to yourself and
what you believe in. Just as Ralph Waldo Emerson said "Whatever
games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves".
About the author:
Kunbi Korostensky, N.D., Psychotherapist and Certified Life
Coach is specialised in supporting people in transition, turn
the changes in their lives into invigorating joy and happiness.
View her ebooklet Top 10 holistic Questions to Embrace Change
and Grow at:
http://www.embracingchanges.com/Books-and-Tools-to-facilitate-Cha
nges.html or mailto: kunbi@embracingchanges.com
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