I veered to the right as I keenly saw an elderly woman in the
pouring rain out of the corner of my eye. She was frantically
waving her arms signaling me to pull over. Approaching the curb
I simultaneously lowered the power windows and asked where she
needed to go. ?Across the bridge, can you get me there for three
dollars? That is all I have,? she mumbled. I was already headed
in her direction and was ok with pocketing a few extra bucks, so
I unlocked the door and let her enter. The unpleasant aroma
released from this granny was immediately invading my cozy warm
cab and I was thankful she was only crossing the bridge, or at
least I was under the impression she only wanted to cross to the
other side. The stench had built up from days without bathing
and years of drinking cheap domestic beer. Quickly I re-lowered
the power windows for a fresh breath of life saving air. She
started rapping some innocent gibberish and I assumed she was a
harmless sweet drunk. That is until, somewhere within her
rambling she blurted out ?I give great head for five bucks.? A
tidal wave of inner chuckles was beating down my cheeks begging
to escape my lips into wild laughter. I couldn?t believe she had
suggested this. She was probably sixty years old, missing
multiple teeth and smelled worse than rotting fruit. Not wanting
to hurt her feelings, I told her I was involved with a very
sweet girl whom I adored very much, and had I not been
committed, I would have taken her up on the offer. Yeah right,
the only chance this blue haired prune stood with me was if she
knocked me out with chloroform. She was so impressed with my
kindness and devotion to my imaginary girlfriend that she would
not stop complimenting me on how much of a pleasant character I
was. Then the grandma claimed that I was the nicest young man
she ever met in her thirty years of working the streets as a
prostitute. Just imagine all the diseases and pregnancies that
must plague a thirty-year veteran of the streets. Then once
again, she busted out with ?I deep throat great for eight
dollars.? Wow, from a regular blow job for five bucks to an
eight-dollar deep throat, what the hell was she thinking? I
would rather let a sharp toothed pit bull lick peanut butter off
my dick before I?d touch this gnarly old grizzled hooker. I
reassured her I was very much in love with my lady and it just
wouldn?t be fair to her for me to take part in the BJ. It was
nearly impossible to avoid busting up laughing in her face, so I
decided the ride was more than over with. While still holding my
breath, I pulled over and suggested she find another customer
somewhere else. It did occur to me for a second to let her keep
her last three dollars, but that thought really only lasted for
about three seconds. I taxed her for her last bits of change and
wished her good luck as she hobbled away in the pouring down
rain.
About the author:
Hi, I'm Jason Moffatt, the ex cab driver, and current online
nutcase. You see, I'm a freaking madman with like 9000
autobiographical stories, so I felt I would share some of them
with you.
Peep my blog, you'll love it http://www.jasonmoffatt.com
Cheers
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