Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005. IT'S SEPTEMBER SILLY! Or,
30 thrilling things to do this month! Compiled by Lady
Beatrice Blitterlees and edited by Lord Earl Craboon
September is the 9th month of the year. No one has a clue why
they call it ?Sept?ember meaning ?seventh? in French, instead of
?Neuf? meaning ?ninth?. Obviously ?The Association for the
Correct Name of Things? hasn?t got around to fixing this error.
They have many more important things to do, such as coming up
with a name for the newest planet in the solar system. Anyway,
?neuf? or not, remember to get the little nippers off to school
on time, and then hot-foot into work with a perky smile on your
face before your boss hands you a pink slip this month. Well now
that we?ve got all that yucky-pooh stuff out of the way, we can
all begin to have some fun. After all, we?ve only got another
couple of months before celebrating Halloween, Thanksgiving and
the biggest gift-giving bonanza of them all! In the meantime,
we?ll just practice our prattle n? puck skills this month just
to limber up for the good times ahead. So without further
whatnot and wherefore, just join in and have a ball over the
next 30 days doing what comes naturally. SNICKERING EVENTS &
CELEBRATIONS FOR THE MONTH OF SEPTEMBER September 1:
National No Footwear Day (Sponsored by the
?Kid-in-All-Of-Us? & ?Pleasure-Seeking Podiatrists Association
of America?) September 2: Virgo Appreciation Day (Time to
honor all those cranky, dogmatic, eccentric, over-demanding,
prudish, untidy yet earthy potted plant lover types you know)
September 3: Ever Wonder What the Romans Did When the
Coliseum Was Closed Day (An excellent time to design & build
your fuel-efficient soap-box derby vehicle) September 4:
National Back-To-School Pencil Sharpening Tournament (A
?must? for every parent, student, and teacher?that leaves the
rest of us off the hook thank god!) ,b>September 5: Apple
Polishing Day (For those who don?t like kissing butts!)
September 6: Loose Goose & Moose Appreciation Day (Every
household, organization, and neighborhood has at least one of
these rare beasts ? shake their hands!) September 7: Say the
Magic Word Day (Choose your name ?and ask who has the key to
opening ?Pandora?s Box? or ?Sesame?s?) September 8: National
Adopt-A-Mail Box Day (Time to honor the snail mail postal
service in your neighborhood by giving your blessed box a funky
name) September 9: International One-Foot Marathon Day
(Let?s see if the entire planet can jump up and down on one foot
without complaining or making everything go tilt) September
10: Is Your Biological Clock Ticking on Time Day? (Time to
calibrate your internal clock ? can you tell when 5 minutes is
up without looking at a watch?) September 11: Ancestor
Story-Telling Day (Time to trot out the old family photo
album and hear those tacky tales about Great Uncle Hoo-Hoo and
Granny Weeple) September 12: Grant Me One Wish Day (If
the Wizard of Wit & Wonder said you could choose one warm and
fuzzy thing?what would it be besides hiking across Antarctica
with the love of your life?) September 13: Funny Money
Awareness Day (Time to see how many vendors will accept
poker chips, Monopoly game money, or Canadian Tire coupons in
lieu of the real thing?) September 14: Silent Screen
Appreciation Day (Time to turn your boob-tube off and
twiddle your fingers, go for a walk, talk to a tree or a pet, or
play a smashing game of marbles). September 15: Duct Tape
Appreciation Day (In honor of all the wonderful things you
can do with this stuff that?s never appeared in a handy-man?s
guide to building a birdhouse) September 16: National ?Wing
It? Day (Time to join the ?improv? group at work, at home,
or in your neighborhood just to see the look on everyone?s
faces!) September 17: National Seat-Swapping Day (In
honor of those who can?t sing a note, can?t do the bunny hop,
and can?t walk on water ?but adore playing ?Musical Chairs?)
September 18: Sir Galahad Appreciation Day (What would
the Round Table be without the best carpet knight in town?)
September 18: Little Bo Peep Appreciation Day (In honor
of leaders who appear to have lost their flock, haven?t got a
clue where to find them, let alone what to say to bring them
back into the fold ?other than enjoying the benefits of a great
new MLM product) September 19: Power Napping Recognition
Day (Time to honor what gets most of the plebes, pundits and
power-brokers through the day without loosing their cool or
their marbles) September 20: The Dog Ate My
Assignment/Project Day (Time to honor every excuse given in
the book as to why something wasn?t delivered on time, sponsored
by EROS ? the Excuse-Ridden Organization of Sloths) September
21: Bat Woman, Bionic Woman & Xena Warrior Day (What would
the world be without these indefatigable feisty feline fighters
for freedom from kitchen duties if you please!) September 22:
Autumn Leaf Recognition Day (Time to hunt for the biggest
frigging dead leaf you can find; dry it out, mount it on some
paper and hang it on a wall ? frankly it?s better than an
etching, and you can call yourself a nature-lover if anyone
cares to ask) September 23: Popcorn & Bubble-Bath Day
(When all is said and done?it?s really the little things in life
that count ?so stock up on them and then chill out for at least
one day!) September 24: Humdinger Appreciation Day (Time
to reveal some awesome, extraordinary, or striking person or
thing that you encountered in your life that made you go ?Wow?,
?Whew?, ?Whoa? or whatnot) September 25: National Doorknob
Appreciation Day (A very overlooked little device that most
of take for granted until we knock on a door without one!)
September 26: Tooth Fairy Awareness Day (In honor of all
folks who hide their lost teeth under their pillows hoping that
a pixie will drop by with the name of an affordable, pain-free
dentist in the neighborhood) September 27: Faucet Fetish
Day (Time to check out all the plumbing boutiques to find
the perfect faucet for one?s high-tech, soothing ablution center
in one?s simple abode) September 28: National Procrastination
Day (Recognizes those who?ve made a vital contribution to
the 360 degree ?yes-but? feedback process, or demonstrated a
singularly dedicated response to the amazing feat of optimizing
the inevitable status quo) September 29: Pennies-From-Heaven
Day (Time to pay your favorite bills with your favorite
copper coins of the realm!) September 30: Naughty Foreign
Word Day (What they don?t teach you on those foreign
language tapes ? Merde! ?if you don?t know one?ask any toddler!)
About the author:
B. Blitterlees & E. Craboon can be found at the Court of The
Quipping Queen
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