Hello. Mr. Cheapie here again with three more fantastic
I-can't-believe-I-didn't-think-of-that frugal shopping tips. I
already gave you my best frugal eating tips at:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/frugal-living-tip.html
Now let's move away from food, because it is to always important
to buy the sizzle, not the steak. That's the first tip. If the
steak was any good, why would Madison Avenue spend all its
efforts selling the sizzle?
Let's face it, you don't care which widget fits into the
combotubulator under the hood; you just want a sporty new set of
wheels painted in flamethrower red.
Here is how you negotiate down the price of a new vehicle. Just
say, "No engine, please. No transmission. No coolant. Nothing
under the hood, please. Nothing that doesn't shine when I polish
the car in my driveway.
You would be amazed at the astounding bargains you can negotiate
on a new car with no engine. Plus, the car will weigh much less,
so you will save on gas.
Next, head over to your favorite furniture superstore to buy a
TV. Tip: NEVER buy a TV at an electronics store. They will try
to sell you a whole bunch of useless and expensive features. The
last thing you need is another 962 satellite channels that never
seem to have anything on anyway.
Go straight to the wall unit section of the furniture store.
They always display life-size cardboard TVs in this section.
Most people leave their cardboard TVs behind when they pick up
their wall units, so you can get yours for a song.
As a bonus, you always know what is showing on your new
cardboard TV and you can save even more money by canceling that
useless satellite or cable service.
Next, head to the office furniture section and check out the
desks. See those cardboard computers?...
Apply this principal to any electronic equipment - telephones,
microwave ovens, blenders. Imagine the fortune you can save just
by saying "hold the steak." If you?re a technophobe, you'll be
even happier.
But what if you really, really want the steak? Suppose you run
out of ice cream, you've eaten all your foam mattresses and food
stamps, and you are so hungry that you are willing to pay for
the steak?
The second tip is to pay for the steak with online coupons. You
don't have to flip through flyers for coupons any more. For
instance, I found this place that offers lots of free online
coupons:
http://www.specialoffers.com
Coupon shopping does have its drawbacks, like the first time you
try it you will find the coupons are extremely hard to cut
(unless you took my advice and bought one of those really cool
cardboard computers at the furniture superstore).
But you'll get the hang of it, and before you know it you will
save even more, because you can slash your scissors budget.
Plus, you won't have to clean up all the coupon clippings from
the floor. And think of all the trees you will save.
My third tip is to bid at online auctions. Yeah, I know, you
think auctions are only for antiques, multi-million dollar
canvasses by dead people with funny accents and celebrity
underwear.
But online is different. You can even bid on used chewing
gum...which is why I advise being very careful what you bid on.
For instance, I found this site:
http://www.farmandfieldauctions.com/fly-fishing-gear.html
Feel free to bid on used fly-fishing-gear. I am sure you will
get a great deal. But stay away from any auction for used bait.
Notice all the used hunting supplies you can buy at:
http://www.farmandfieldauctions.com/hunting-supplies.html
However, you will also notice how few auctions there are for
used moose meat. There is a reason for that. If aliens capture
your brain and you are compelled to bid on used moose meat,
please watch for the "urgent" label.
My best advice is not to bid on used chewing gun, used fishing
bait or used moose meat. These have very little sizzle, and what
steak they have is probably not very tasty.
Happy shopping.
Read more satire and funny stories:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/humor-articles.html
Buy his happiness book:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-self-help-book.html
Find personal growth articles for reprint
http://www.thehappyguy.com/self-actualization-articles.html
Info@thehappyguy.com
About the author:
Mr. Cheapie is really David Leonhardt, a humor columnist:
http://www.TheHappyGuy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html
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