Thanks to my Father for my Life Teachings
To my father, James Thomas McKinney in celebration of his 80th
birthday, January 12, 2005
For your 80th birthday, and for that matter, many of them, I
have pondered what to get you?. a man of few needs or wants;
simplicity at its finest. After giving it much thought, I
decided to attempt to tell you just a few of the ways you have
forever touched and shaped my life--my father, my dad, my
friend, the children?s grandfather who chased them down the
hotel hallway with his teeth in his hand.
Dad, it is true you are known as a man of few words; clearly,
that is also not one of the genes I inherited as evidenced early
on by the many notes sent home from school telling you I talked
too much. You must have wanted to strangle me. As I work now to
listen more and talk less, I am thankful for the wisdom I have
regarding the power of silence; the importance of listening; and
how when you speak less, people listen to you more. Dad, you
showed me this.
A few memories have stayed with me over the years, one in
particular that I would like to share with you. I believe I was
18 or 19, and you and I were in the car together. We must have
been discussing what career I was going to pursue. At the time,
I was contemplating medical school. You said to me, ?Janet, you
can do whatever you want to do, and your mother and I will
support you.? Those words meant the world to me, and I believe
marked the beginning of my own journey as in them you gave me
permission to do what I wanted to do, and in doing so, I had
your blessing.
While you may be a man of few words, you are one of great
actions. You showed me that actions are as important as words.
We did not grow up in a house where I love you was said often;
but we did grow up in a house where your actions, day in and day
out, showed us you loved us. You played with us; coached our
sports and if not coaching, attended our sporting and musical
events; encouraged us; disciplined us; supported us; ensured we
were well fed (just look at my old pictures), clothed, and warm.
And when we were young, you prayed with us at night when you put
us to bed.
You have also shown us this through your relationship with
Mom?50+ years. David & I will have to be 91 & 85 to celebrate 50
years?I?ll let you know if we make it. I know we will if we have
learned from you and mom. Through sickness and in health; for
better or for worse; for richer or poorer, until death us do
part. Imagine this, the magnitude of these words came to me only
after marriage. Marriage is all about compromise, making time
for each other, accepting of the good and the annoying, and
forgiveness.
I remember when Mom had her stroke; where I was when you called
to tell me, and my immediate reaction, ?I?m not ready to loose
her.? While testimony to her, it is also testimony to you that
you were there with her throughout ?the beginning when she could
not speak, to helping her learn how to walk again, to going with
her to the mall to get her daily walk in. Always encouraging her
by your actions; believing in her ability to recover yet
accepting of where she was.
As you know, there was a time in my adult life where I did yearn
to hear those words from you---now, I realize that words are
meaningless without the actions to support them.
Dad, thank you for teaching me the importance of aligning your
actions with your words.
The ?friends and family? plan---MCI thought they came up with
it, but I will give you credit. As we are now, when we were
young we were separated geographically from our extended
families, yet, you made sure we knew our relatives---on both
sides. I have fond memories that I will treasure for my life of
traveling on holidays to see grandparents; cousins; aunts and
uncles--if only to share one meal which guaranteed lots of
laughs. And you always opened our home to them--repeatedly in
spite of the spit ball fights and the burning bras, or the
exposure to rated R movies. And, then of course, those family
vacations with Grandmother Helen---it would be interesting to
compare stories 20+ years later. You created family memories for
us then, and you continue to in our adulthood.
And let us not forget friends. Some of the funniest pictures
from our childhood are from the parties you and mom had with
your friends. I remember Ric and I, supposedly in bed, sitting
right by the ?closed? pocket door to the hallway, listening and
looking in on all the fun. You encouraged us to play with
friends; invite them over to spend the night; and travel with
them. My childhood was rich with friends, thanks to you.
Again, in marriage, I have learned how easy it is to get wrapped
up in the kids? activities and work--the overall busyness-- and
fail to find time to cultivate friendships. Every time I talk to
you and mom, you reinforce for me the importance and value of
friendships. ?We went out to dinner with the McMahons.? ?Dad?s
playing golf with his buddies.? ?Mom?s at PEO.? ?We are going to
dinner with the Crooks, the Rouses, and on.? ?Saturday night is
bridge club.? The richness they add to your lives is obvious.
So, thank you Dad, for teaching us about the friends and family
plan.
I shudder to think where I would be had I not been raised with
the value of education and of learning. In SW Virginia, it is
common for friends of Whitney?s and Shawn?s to be the first in
their family to go to college. My memory says that ?not going?
was never discussed. Going was a given. You and mom went; our
grandparents went; your grandmother went, we were going.
Early on, we learned that good grades came from studying, and
you praised us for them. You or mom were always involved in our
schools, and helped us with our homework. You paid for our
college educations so that we graduated without owing a dime.
You instilled in me the drive for excellence, and always doing
my best.
You have also shown us that learning occurs throughout our
lifetime. This is ever so obvious when I listen to you and David
talk, how much you know about so many things. David says to me,
?you know Janet, your Dad knows a lot?. With him, you are not a
man of few words. You read ?Time; Fortune; books of all types;
the newspaper. You continue to explore new areas through your
travels, and visits to museums. You have shown us when we
embrace learning, our quality of life is enhanced, even as we
age.
Thank you Dad, for the showing us the importance of education
and life long learning. Dad, you instilled in me the
foundational principles and values of the Christian faith.
Growing up, every Sunday, no excuses, we were at church and
usually Sunday school and then we would always come home for
Sunday dinner at noon?on the grill. Except when we were in
Oklahoma City, we occasionally got to go to Lady Classon
cafeteria for dinner?fried chicken and apple pie with a cheese
slice on top of the crust. I am not sure what would prompt those
outings, but I remember loving them.
Honor thy Mother & Father; respect your elders; do not lie,
steal or cheat; jealousy has no place; accept others; do unto
others as you would have them do unto you. I could give you many
examples of this. I strive in my life to live by these
values---although I am very grateful for forgiveness of my sins.
Where would I be without that?
There is one poignant memory I want to share. I remember when
OKC instituted desegregation. You were coaching Ric?s baseball
team and there was an African Amercian boy who came home with
Ric after school so that he could play on the team. No issue
made. My guess is that young boy who is now a man remembers that
too. In many instances, your actions showed us that all people
are created equal. As I see daily the prejudice that still
exists in my community, I am so very thankful that you showed me
there is no place for it.
You have showed us the role of faith in many ways, and how our
faith guides us through our life. I imagine we each in here also
remember when we learned of your diagnosis ?non-Hodkins
lymphoma. I had the same reaction as I did with Mom?s stroke?not
ready to loose him. It was very clear you were at peace with
what faced you?whatever the outcome. You followed doctor?s
orders, concentrated on healing, and persevered through the
trials of treatment. We are all grateful for your remission, and
for your modeling how to face a life-threatening illness,
strengthened by your faith.
Dad, thanks for raising us in the church, guiding the
development of our Christian faith.
So dad, there are so many things I have learned from you, and
will continue to. I wish I could mention them all, but rather
vow to share more with you as the years go by for God willing, I
can in vision being with you to celebrate 90 years. But let?s us
live in the present, and make the most of each day for we truly
never now when they will be taken away.
So thank you Dad for everything.
Love,
Janet ?Your favorite middle child?
About the author:
Janet Crawford holds a BA, Baylor University (1982) & MBA/MHA,
University of Missouri (1984).As an Executive Coach,
Professional Speaker & author, her mission is to help
individuals & organizations maximize their return on human
capital?managing human behaviors for optimal outcomes.
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