This is a story about a woman we will call Anne, a
thirty-five-year-old woman who concluded that she could never
find a man. She determined that loneliness was her fate and thus
went as far as accepting it as fact. Her case proves what I have
discovered in advising single men and women: it does not matter
what your circumstances are, every man or woman can and is able
to find a happy relationship or reach their potential by making
the right choices.
Anne was a very beautiful and educated woman. Beneath her beauty
were a lot of problems that I never imagined. She had grown up
in a family where she was led to believe that no man would ever
want her. She was the best looking and best educated among her
family members. Yet for many years she worked in the family
business for minimum wage. The sad part was she was willing to
work under those terms until the day she died, because she had
accepted that she was the black sheep of the family.
One of the ideas I suggested to Anne, to help her to stop
thinking she would never find love, was to start dating. But she
was even afraid to date. When the suggestion was made, Anne
declined, saying, ?But who wants me? No man will date a woman
like me.? I tried my very best to let Anne know that she was a
very attractive woman. All she needed to do was believe there
was a man out there for her.
She was so concerned that no man would accept her, the thought
of having to start dating made her cry. I personally began
feeling sorry for her. I could not understand why she was so
afraid to venture outside. I finally reached a point where the
only choice I had left in my attempt to help Anne was to give
her an ultimatum. I told her: ?Anne, you can do it. I am willing
to help you but if you are going to come to me for advice, only
to make one excuse after the other, then why bother? Don?t waste
my time. Anne, you must try. Give guys a chance to take you out
at least in the daytime. If you are concerned, tell someone
about your date, your date?s name and phone number, where you
will be going and what time you should be arriving home.
?Don?t let your date pick you up from your mom?s house,? I told
her. ?Meet him somewhere in the open. This way he does not know
where you live and you will not have to worry about him coming
to look for you.? I proceeded to tell Anne that unless she was
willing to try, I didn?t see any reason why she should continue
coming to me for help.
At the same time, I knew a spiritual couple who were visiting
from the U.S. I invited Anne to have dinner with me and the
couple in the hopes that the woman could befriend Anne. Anne
told me she didn?t have any friends. The only people she saw
were myself and a couple of friends I had introduced her to.
Unfortunately, none of them wanted to befriend Anne, because she
was so negative about everything. People simply did not want to
be around her. After the dinner was over, we all began to
converse.
I had tried to encourage Anne to leave home and be her own
woman. As we talked after dinner, the woman began to share a
story with Anne. The woman told Anne: ?Once there was an eaglet
who grew up with ducks. When the eaglet grew strong wings to
fly, the mother duck told the eaglet, ?You hatched with ducks
but you are not a duck. You are an eagle. Eagles don?t walk,
they fly. So fly away to be with eagles...? The eaglet replied,
?No, I am not an eagle. I am a duck. I cannot fly.? The mother
duck told the eagle, ?Yes, you are an eagle. You were hatched by
a duck but you are an eagle. You can fly.? The eaglet was so
afraid to try it replied, ?No, I cannot fly. I am a duck?if I
try to fly, I will fall.?
?The mother duck told the eaglet, ?You are an eagle. You don?t
belong here. Fly and be with your own kind and you will be much
happier. Try, please try. Eagles fly, they don?t walk. You are
an eagle. You can fly.? The eagle thought for a minute. It began
to stretch and flap its wings. It bounced around a little, then
it jumped up and flew. As it lifted off the ground it realized
it could fly and began to soar in the air.?
We all sat and listened to this emotional story. I know I wept
and so did Anne. I cared about Anne so much. I wanted her to
find happiness. Not long after and with a little encouragement
and support, Anne moved out of her parents? basement. She found
her own apartment and a full-time job at a local hotel. She
began to date and met a man who cared for her. Although it was
difficult and frightening at first, Anne tried and when she did,
she soared.
This real-life example shows that we can all find happiness and
success if we choose to make the choices and do the things that
bring us happiness and success. Anne only found success when she
left her comfort zone and tried. In your love life, the only way
to experience true failure is if you don?t try, if you give up
or try to hide behind excuses and justifications.
The eaglet eventually flew with eagles instead of walking with
the ducks. This means, for example in relationship, you can find
love with your appropriate mate?not just any man or woman for
the sake of having a lover. You can live your potential. But
settling for unhealthy and mediocre relationships is not a way
to find happiness. You can achieve your true potential in all
things if do your part.
You can tell from Anne?s story that despite her upbringing and
life experiences, she was able to find happiness by making
choices that brought her happiness. When Anne left her comfort
zone (like the eagle leaving the ducks), she reached her
potential. Do you make choices that bring you stress and
disappointments? Do you settle for relationships that bring you
misery? What is your emotional well-being worth to you? Decide
the kind of life and relationships you want. Then you will know
what you need to do.
About the author:
Ernest Quansah is a soulmate relationship expert who helps men
and women find their true love and create the relationship of
their dreams. He is the author of How to Identify Your Soulmate,
a love relationship advice manual designed to help people find
happiness and fulfillment in their relationships. If you will
like more information about his services, please visit
http://www.soulmateinfoserve.com
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