Like the weather, conflict can be anything from a minor squall
to a turbulent storm packing hurricane force winds. Quite often
conflict storms come up unexpectedly and we are not prepared
with an U-M-B-R-E-L-L-A (See Dealing With Difficult
People?Go Ahead, Rain On My Parade). Here are some
additional tips to handle unanticipated and surprising conflict
tempests that are not part of typical interpersonal relationship
weather patterns.
Before The Storm
Batten down the hatches to keep from drowning in stormy
relationship seas. Many common expressions have nautical
origins. The expression ?batten down the hatches? is no
exception. In times past, when a severe storm approached,
British sailors would cover the ?hatches? or openings in the
deck of a ship with tarpaulins and secure them with ?battens? to
keep water from flooding the ship. These pieces of strong wood
would fit against the raised rims of the hatchways and pin the
tarpaulins down drum tight.
To ?batten down the hatches? on stormy relationship seas:
- Take action before the storm approaches by
proactively developing, nurturing and enhancing the variety of
your interactions with others.
- Consider utilizing the following ?battens?: constancy,
dependability, loyalty, reliability, and
trustworthiness.
Deploy Your Doppler Radar. Doppler radar is a key
weather forecasting tool that can detect approaching storms
before they develop into full force hurricanes, tornados or
severe thunderstorms. It shows pictures of wind motions in
storms which allow scientists and weather forecasters to predict
a storm?s arrival and intensity.
To deploy your Doppler radar:
- Be alert to early warning signals and hidden
clues that a conflict storm is brewing.
- Don?t ignore these signals?even the minor ones.
- If you see a conflict storm brewing and you don?t know where
it is coming from, take time to figure out what has
caused it to develop.
When the Storm Hits
Assess and Evaluate. Determine if it is a conflict squall
which starts out with big gusts of wind and heavy rain, then
fizzles out at a moment?s notice; or is it a category five
hurricane which can linger for hours or days and cause
irreparable damage. Evaluate your role in the conflict.
- How have you contributed to the conflict?
- What actions have you taken in the past or what things
have you left undone which have given rise to the
conflict?
Seek Shelter?Quickly! It can get rough out
there?especially if you do not see a conflict storm coming! If
it is the conflict storm of the century:
- Don?t react; instead control your impulses and
force your mind and body to relax and be at peace.
- If you are in the midst of an in-your-face confrontation,
take a break and remove yourself physically until calmer
emotions prevail.
- When discussion resumes, practice actively listening
to the other party and demonstrating empathy (putting
yourself in his/her shoes).
- If you are unable to resolve the conflict, consider
engaging a neutral third party to help you uncover the
issues and develop solutions.
After The Storm
Survey the Damage. Review and inspect the conflict
storm?s toll and impact. Consider the following:
- Has the relationship changed in any way; is it
better or worse?
- Were your issues, position, and interests
addressed?
- Did you achieve a mutually acceptable
resolution?
Execute Disaster Recovery & Clean-Up. To survive, thrive
and emerge from the conflict stronger than ever, you must adjust
your attitude.
- Restore. Find ways to restore peace and harmony
in the relationship. Deal with any unresolved anger, loss or
depression.
- Reconcile. Ask for forgiveness and willingly offer
it.
- Rebuild. Pick up the relationship pieces and patch up
any breaches that may have occurred. To minimize the
reoccurrence of conflict disasters, actively seek to build a
stronger relationship than you had before.
So if you don?t like conflict thunderstorms or have been in one
for a long time, stay warm and dry by battening down
interpersonal relationship hatches, deploying your conflict
Dopplar radar, seeking shelter quickly, and executing recovery
efforts in the event of a conflict disaster.
About the author:
Althea DeBrule, entrepreneur & seasoned human resources
executive, has helped people achieve their career goals for more
than 30 years. She is recognized for her bottom line and
practical application of career transition & development
strategies in a way that compels action. To discover how Althea
can help you take your career to a new level, visit http://www.extreme
-career-makeover.com/
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